Marriage counseling in Denver – what questions to ask at the beginning
If you’re looking for possible marriage counseling it means that you are definitely ready to make your family life better. One day you wake up and realize that all this stress brought your couple to the edge. Instead of support, validation, and understanding, you are fighting about everything, or you feel abandoned and lonely with the person you used to love the most.
If you have never tried couple counseling before you probably have several questions. How does this work? Let me navigate you in understanding marriage counseling in Denver.
Confidentiality in couple counseling
When you come as a couple it means confidentiality belongs to the couple. It means that I can’t disclose anything regarding this session without permission from both sides. For example, as a therapist, I can not take sides in any legal procedure. During the process of canceling, there are some subtle moments that I would like to explain. Sometimes there are issues, thoughts, or feelings that each partner needs or wants to process separately. So sometimes I can ask one partner to leave the room and talk to another partner privately. When this happens the information which was shared in the room will stay in the room.
For example, John and Lee are working on their marriage. At some moment I can ask Lee to leave the room and talk to John privately. When Lee enters the room it will be up to John to share this discussion or not, I will not disclose it without his permission.
Sometimes we can schedule separate sessions for each partner as well, and the content of this session will be confidential between me, as a therapist, and this person. Based on my experience this approach makes therapy more efficient.
Would you give us some tools or exercises?
Absolutely! Very often communication is a central issue in a couple’s life, and communication is a skill. We will practice the skill during the session and I will give you very clear guidance, tools, and formulas on how to practice this skill outside the office. I also can give you homework: for example “go on a date” or “cuddle for five minutes every day” or we will find something simple and effective to make you feel better in your everyday life.
How long does it take for marriage counseling to work?
OK, it depends… if you have several issues which last for years do not expect them to be solved during a couple of meetings. At the same time after a couple of meetings, you should feel that you have more hope.
Usually, we evaluate your dynamic, goals, and results after every session and if you don’t have strong feelings that the situation is improving after 10 sessions, we will sit and talk about what to do next.
When both partners are motivated and ready to change their life, usually we can see significant improvement in about three to four months.
Also, it is important to understand, how old is the issue which brought you to marriage counseling? If the problem is relatively new, and your marriage is relatively new, it usually takes less time to resolve the problem. Quite often I see couples who say that they struggle with something for years. Okay, to be gentle to your psyche and resolve something which has been here for years usually takes a longer time, Because we always want to be respectful to the system and get into the root cause of pain.
Can we work online?
Yes! I practiced marriage counseling online even before the pandemic and it works really well. I provided couple and family therapy for many Colorado couples who live far from Denver or spend several months at different locations.
To work as a couple online you will need a little bit more preparation so our sessions will be effective. For example, you need a bigger screen so you both can sit about a yard from it. In this case, I can see you both and you can easily turn and talk to each other as well. You also need to consider the privacy of your counseling room, make sure your children are not listening, and feel safe and secure while talking about sensitive questions.
How to negotiate this significant investment with your partner and yourself
Couple counseling is expensive, that's a fact. A high level of individualized professional service can’t be cheap, because it takes a lot to grow up as a professional and maintain the business. So sometimes we need to explain to ourselves why it is a good decision to spend this money on counseling and maybe even postpone the vocation…
First, it is totally worth it to hire someone with experience, expertise, and heart to help you to save the most precious thing in your life - your own family. If you have children or a business together, remember, they need you to be well and happy.
Second, this is your life which is short and at some moment many of us come to the realization that You deserve to live with feelings of love, care, and connection and don’t feel lonely in the marriage.
Third, as marriage is supposed to be a long-term investment, so is marriage counseling. When you learn your main triggers and heal them, learn how to be fully yourself in the presence of your partner and how to communicate well between your two unique personalities, these skills are going to work for you for years.
Here is another side of the coin. If you are positive that this partnership came to the end, marriage counseling in Denver will help you significantly reduce your lawyer’s bill. Separation is always painful and we are not thinking straight when we are in pain. For this kind of pain, painkillers do not help, but self-compassion, emotional processing, and respectful negotiation help a lot.
Can we build the trust back if it was not here for a while?
It’s not easy, but Yes! Trust is possible to rebuild in marriage counseling when both partners are ready to give it a chance and both are ready to take responsibility. People usually come for the couple counseling after the big betrayals of trust, like infidelity or substance use, but rebuilding the trust is not only about ending the affair of not drinking. It’s about becoming a new person who has to show that this is not in their character anymore and there is a lot of true joy in being together on a new level.
What do we need to start?
Talk to your partner, and schedule your free online consultation to discuss your unique situation HERE.